


a pillar i am of pride

by kathikon



Series: ballad of a dove [1]
Category: Generation Kill
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Ended Before it Started, Gen, Gun Violence, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Relationships, Injury Resulting in Death, One-Sided Relationship, Protagonist Dying, Really Shitty Way to Die, Self-Hatred, What it Feels Like To Bleed to Death, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 05:53:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 814
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23890021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kathikon/pseuds/kathikon
Summary: “hearts and minds- that means two to the chest and one to the head, right?”
Relationships: Brad Colbert & Nate Fick, Brad Colbert/Nate Fick
Series: ballad of a dove [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1721890
Comments: 3
Kudos: 21





	a pillar i am of pride

**Author's Note:**

> title from “dinner and diatribes” by hozier  
> set around the time of episode 7, “bomb in the garden”
> 
> the characters in this are fictional, as portrayed in the hbo miniseries generation kill. no disrespect/implications about any of the real marines is intended, this is a work of fiction written for fun.

Stepping out from the cigarette factory, the plan had been to help ensure security of Saddam City. There’d been a simplicity to it- hearts and minds, as they said.

“That means two to the chest, and one to the head, right?” He’d overheard Ray say, voice carrying over the sound of boots on the concrete and the pop of weapons fire in the distance.

Reality tended to be more complicated than that.  
In the Marine Corps, they’d talk about Murphy’s Law- anything that can go wrong, will go wrong. Murphy was a real piece of work, in Nate’s opinion.

That train of thought remained, as he stood in the street, talking to someone who he couldn’t help, not in any substantial way. It made him dizzy with the bitterness that filled his throat at the thought. The incompetence and disorganisation of the company made it almost impossible to figure anything out- not enough time, not enough translators, not enough they were doing. He sighed, as Meesh turned away to light himself a cigarette. He needed to talk to Brad later-  
The thought was interrupted by a flare of warmth along the side of his neck, then the sound of a burst of gunfire that sent Meesh ducking for cover, the men they were speaking to bolting back towards the buildings, as the bullets hit the ground in puffs of dust. And yet Nate was rooted to the spot, even as he heard his Marines opening fire. His head was pounding, and all he could feel was the heat blooming in his throat, the smell of nitroglycerin and sawdust in the air, until he looked down, seeing red all over his uniform. His hands flew up to his throat, feeling the blood pulsing out as his heart beat frantically.  
 _Oh._   
_Oh fuck._

His knees wobbled and he hit the dirt hard, vision going blurry.  
This was what it was going to be like? He’d never thought much about his death. It was startling, really. It didn’t hurt half as bad as he’d imagined it would have.  
Laying on the ground, staring up at the sky, it was almost beautiful, brilliant blue against the backdrop of the tan tones of the city.  
His chest was heaving, and he could taste the blood in his mouth, bubbling over his lips.  
Brad- Brad was over him, the pressure of his hands on Nate’s neck. He needed to tell him.  
And yet he couldn’t get anything out, mouth moving silently.  
He was clutching at Brad’s wrist like a lifeline, and he could hear himself gasping, wheezing for air, choking on his own blood.  
“Eyes on me, Nate. Nate, look at me.”  
Everything was too bright, and Brad looked just as frantic as he felt, shaking as a breathless mantra of “no” poured from his lips.  
His chest hurt. Why hadn’t he listened? What had brought him here? Some sense of wretched idealism?

Looking back, that desire for a great adventure was nothing more than a childish dream- he’d wanted to prove himself, to serve some greater purpose in a world where there was no longer a place for a young man who wanted to slay dragons.  
He’d wanted to make this his career- something like Brad, where the Corps ran through his veins, thick as the blood that was now soaking the dust, coating their hands. The thought had stayed with him after Afghanistan, but now, he knew he should have ran when he had the chance, should have satisfied that adolescent bravado.  
“Look at me, Nate, Nate please. Look. Eyes on me, you’re going to be ok. You’re gonna be fine.”  
Anything after that was lost to the loud white noise ringing in his skull, like a hammer striking a bell over and over, painful and incessant.  
Great Marine commanders were able to kill what they loved most- their men. He’d broken that fundamental law of warfare, cheated death twice, and it'd finally caught up to him.  
Nate could barely think, the roaring in his skull growing louder, the overwhelming effort of keeping his eyes on Brad was draining him, and he could feel the weight of his eyelids, of the plate carrier, of Brad’s gaze.  
He watched the silent movement of Brad’s lips, wishing he’d said something sooner.  
Life wasn’t fair, was it? Nate could feel his eyes sliding shut, and despite everything he couldn’t be bothered to fight it anymore. He was exhausted, head pounding, out of breath, and it was so fucking cold, even though he was sweating bullets.  
It was alright, he supposed.  
He could still feel the warmth of Brad’s hands on his neck, even if he couldn’t see him anymore, and that offered some small comfort.  
And quietly, despite the world around him being made of fire and blood, Nate let himself slip away, a rowboat set adrift on an endless sea.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much for reading!!!  
> feedback + kudos are much appreciated! this is my first time writing for this fandom, and i’m hoping to write much more :)


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